The Intimacy Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful feelings of destination, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a find out here relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!