The Intimacy Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce top article emotions), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex wikipedia reference is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in urban locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!