The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful sensations of destination, excitement, well-being, nearness, and love .
But when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry Source take place, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!