The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with navigate to these guys our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urbane areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't you could try these out going to be good?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!