The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't his comment is here confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that many of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Lots try here of gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some find more info cases it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!