The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of destination, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
However when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest look at here as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that Homepage chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either additional hints there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!