The Intimacy Pitfall, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love carries enormous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, excitement, closeness, wellness, and love .
But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that many of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in city areas, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Lots of gay men desire to discover out from the beginning if a prospective look at more info partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices More Info by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!