The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that Look At This makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!