The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings immense meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone read what he said (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .
However when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in urbane locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay men want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
However, North adds, "I believe this is look these up a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is this link essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!