The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay men want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus company website on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!