The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is easily available, Continue and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should see here now stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!