The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, making love brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to very tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
But when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urban locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Many gay guys wish to learn from the beginning if a visit this website prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!