The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, wellness, love, and closeness .
However when issues develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in city areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to why not try this out point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!