The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, wellness, closeness, and love .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that numerous of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay men want to find out from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided my website that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with click to investigate time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!