The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts article upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled Full Article , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!