The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to incredibly tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and well-being .
But when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that numerous of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex linked here isn't going to be great?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying have a peek at these guys complete attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!