The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus official website to produce emotions), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .
However when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that many of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in urban areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!