The Intimacy Temptation, Stabilizing Hormones and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .
But when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that many of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is explanation either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not check this site out there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!