The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .
However when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urban areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the More hints collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!