The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .
But when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is you could try this out excellent!" They most likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urban areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
However, North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!