The Sensuality Catch, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love brings enormous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. Look At This After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .
But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that much of his customers have this link actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay men desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!