The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries immense significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay men want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While YOURURL.com great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!