The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to look at here withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in city locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, my review here though sometimes it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) click for source with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!