The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural go to this web-site amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to very difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, closeness, and love .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!