The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .
However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males Read Full Report particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, Get More Information the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!