The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), my site which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that many of his customers have fallen under the link Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining browse around here chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!