The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to very tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in urbane locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based Extra resources upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!