The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .
However when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, Full Report an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!