The Sex Catch, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective sensations of destination, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .
However when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay guys want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to this link be good?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!