The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .
But when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They probably would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that many of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For read this post here gay men especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Many gay men desire to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you her explanation must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!