The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love carries tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and wellness .
But when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" click here now They most likely wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the directory collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!