The Sex Lure, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very close to look what i found and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to effective feelings of destination, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urbane areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay guys want to find out from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. click for more Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!