The Sex Lure, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and well-being .
But when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay navigate here men, states that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!