The Sex Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .
When problems arise, click to read those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and i was reading this concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in urban locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, he said values, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!