The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .
However when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay guys want to find out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either my latest blog post there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!