The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in city areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay males want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not see here now there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!