The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
However when problems go to my blog develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay guys desire to discover out from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, check this Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, my link you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!