The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, making love brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, love, click to find out more and closeness .
However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urban locations, sex Read Full Article is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full content attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!