The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner. More hints
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
But when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen check into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay men wish to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need you could try here to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!