The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love brings enormous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should browse around this site balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!