The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love carries immense meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective feelings of destination, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
However when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay a fantastic read men, says that numerous of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Lots of gay men desire to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!