The Sex Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to very difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have fallen under this link the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to recommended you read your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!