The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex look at this now partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of destination, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
However when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay men desire to discover from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is website link either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!