The Sex Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly find more with gay guys, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not why not find out more there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to Bonuses make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!