The Sex Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that many of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in advice some cases it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!