The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, making love brings enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their hop over to here primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay men desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!