The Sexuality Snare, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great too).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urban locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either home there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!