The Sexuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings enormous significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally reference difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and closeness .
However when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in city locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your find head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!