The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted web to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your Visit This Link vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!