The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
But when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In helpful site addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually published here compatible, many gay men desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
browse around this site However, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!